So I thought I might post up some of my thoughts, maybe this will be carthartic. Maybe it will, as the name suggests, simply track my mental state until one day I finally decide to end it all and escape this life.

Not that I expect anyone to ever read this.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

drugs vs pistols and outward appearances

Sometimes it is so hard to maintain this outward appearance of being all happy and cheerful so people don’t ask you hard questions when inside all you want to do is scream out and put a gun to your head.  Other times it amazes me how easily it comes, I guess after all these years of practice hiding this condition my body can automatically put on a good face.  This is most evident to me when I am teaching at university.  I can come across as a consummate public speaker and even forget all my issues for an hour or two, yet once it’s all over I’m right back to where I was.

On a more cheerful note I think that getting a hold of those drugs probably mightn’t be the easiest thing in the world as customs are likely to pick them up if I buy them on the net.  As such I’ve been thinking more and more that it might be more realistic to go down to a local pistol range and use their weapons to do it.  Sure it’ll be a shit fight for them but damn what will I care after?  I need to get of my arse and make a will one of these days.

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